well.. my nurse came today to fill my anodyne machine and i ACTUALLY had concerta- so she filled it with concerta in the morning. i haven't had any in what feels like almost a month because they CLAIM fredrick didn't pick it up but i distinctly remember fredrick bringing me the other meds when he'd go and pick them up for me. at least i'll feel a little more energetic since i've been dragging ass for the last month or so because i haven't had any in addition to having a broken cpap, so i also haven't got more than about 4 hrs. of sleep. i'm honestly thinking of the cause of my apnea- paired up with a side effect to the surgeries i've had on my palate (i remember reading how i might develop apnea after the surgery) is the second-hand smoke from my grandparents and mom. that's just one more reason why i hate being my mom's child. not only is she a narcissist who used me as a shield when my dad was kicking her, she smoked like a chimney when i was growing up and around her. WHO WOULDN'T LIKE HAVING HER AS A MOM WHEN SHE ACTS LIKE THAT?! HAH! ONLY ANYONE WITH AN ACTUAL WORKING BRAIN WITH INTELLIGENCE. i've gotta be damned with having her as a mother. plus, she acts like she cares about me just to convince amanda that she shouldn't help me move because she "cares" so much about me (for attention from other people because no one gives a damn about only her). stupid people have an odd way of showing affection. so HOPEFULLY i'll have more energy for the interview since my stupid ass cpap that i've built a dependency on the stupid cpap to assist me sleeping- so now that it doesn't work for me, it takes me at least 2 hours to fall asleep naturally, seeing as the ground HAS been shifting every now and then for me now (i'm pretty sure this happens whenever i might have a seizure- so that's not good, although i can't really remember exactly because i haven't had a seizure in probably at least 15 years).
i have my interview tomorrow and i'm really hoping something actually starts working out for me since this is a job i really wouldn't mind working and the kind of job i'm actually looking to get more experience in hospitality- even though i'm pretty sure it takes hospitality to volunteer at sabathani- so hopefully that's an advantage for me and makes me more qualified. i like working jobs where i actually have a purpose to working the job and where i'm actually helping people. i'm already qualified for this front desk job at the hotel because i was SUPPOSED to work the front deak at some hilton which hired me but i ended up quitting while in training because the man who was training me at the time was talking about me to the front desk girls and he said, "I DON'T SEE WHY SHE TOLD ME TO TRAIN HER. I MEAN- LOOK AT HER." i really should've told the lady who hired me about him gossiping to other people but i figured they might take his side because of senority (he mentioned he worked there for like 10 years or something like that when he was training me). ah well.. hopefully i find a job which actually pays me for my work, so i'll look more qualified and have it on my resume- even though i'm pretty sure volunteering at sabathani makes me look more qualified since i only really started getting jobs actually interested in hiring me since i started volunteering there. i'm glad someone actually gives me the opportunity to volunteer there because most people assume i'm too disabled to do anything because it's easier and faster to just assume that i can't help. WHICH IS ACTUALLY BETTER THAN BEING UNDERESTIMATED AT SOME SORRY EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION INSTITUTION" WHICH IS ONLY WILLING TO HELP PEOPLE THAT ADVOCATE FOR THEM AND JERK THEM OFF (JUST TO MAKE THEIR FAMILIES LOOK "CARING" WHEN THEY IN NO WAY ARE HELPFUL SEEING AS THEY CAN'T EVEN ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN THE EMERGENCY ROOM CALLS THEM AND THEY CAN'T EVEN DO WHAT THEY TOLD THEIR DECEASED AUNT THEY'D DO).
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